


Barren Sea

by vogue91



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Introspection, POV First Person, Pre-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-17 23:22:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13087599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: I stayed still, holding back my breath. I tried to hear an answer in the wind, for that landscape, that nature apparently uncorrupted, was the only thing that still looked real to me, touchable, without having been spoilt by the mistakes I had made.





	Barren Sea

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Strawberry Fields Forever (The Beatles)

**_Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see_ **

****

I closed my eyes.

And I dwelled in that noise, almost lacking of time and space.

Wave, after wave, after wave.

A few months before I had seen the sea for the first time, and I have been captivated by it.

It was a greeting for a new life, a better one, far from a past I hoped I could finally forget.

A past that had left its mark inside of me, what grew every day, undisturbed and invisible, until the day it had become too immense to be ignored.

I had closed my eyes. Stupid.

I had closed my eyes, and I hadn’t realized how the world kept consuming itself, even when I wasn’t looking.

So I spent my days watching the sea, relishing its peace and suffering its storm, because it was like a part of me was in those waters.

Salted, never completely tame.

Wet from rain. Wet from tears.

The world had seemed like a nice place, for the first time.

Until I had to pay the price of my choices.

 

**_It’s getting hard to be someone but it all works out, it doesn’t matter much to me_ **

****

I felt like a human being, just like everybody else.

And yet, there was something deeply corrupted in me, I felt it.

And as much as I tried to tell myself that it was just the monsters my father and Orfin had insinuated in my mind, I couldn’t help but thinking that what I was doing would’ve had its consequences, heavenly as well as infernal.

I stayed still, holding back my breath. I tried to hear an answer in the wind, for that landscape, that nature apparently uncorrupted, was the only thing that still looked real to me, touchable, without having been spoilt by the mistakes I had made.

I would’ve loved to hear Tom’s thought in that moment, a sign of love under the malice I had put on him.

But there was nothing to hear, there had never been, and it was like I didn’t really care how I had Tom, as long as I had him.

I had expressed my desire, like in a fairytale. And yet, while I thought myself to embody the princess, the girl saved from a cruel fate, I had to admit to myself I was the witch, the harpy, the ruthless one.

The bad one, because bad was the blood in my veins.

 

**_Nothing is real, and nothing to get hang about_ **

****

The sea was perfectly still.

I wondered how it was possible that there wasn’t even a mere breeze of wind to agitate it, then I remembered.

That wasn’t reality.

I had created that world, with my limited imagination, yet colourful enough to desire a life different from what I had always known.

A life which peak was not those few moments of the day spent at the window, waiting for him to pass by. A life where he smiled to me, where he told me he loved me.

Where he looked at me.

A life everybody should have, and that I had taken by force.

And since that moment, it had been like the sea was watching me, accusing.

It had stopped, because waves refused to keep their incessant motion for the pure joy of my undeserving eyes.

 

**_‘Cause I’m going to strawberry fields_ **

****

Behind my back, I dreamed of seeing red stains into the green, to see those strawberry fields living in my illusions. And not for a mere whim, for the desire of seeing those fruits so delicate and so strangely alive.

Just because it would’ve reminded me that, maybe, I was a little alive as well, that I had a right to run among those fields, to smile even, to celebrate that explosion of existence, of colours.

Colours I had been denied.

Sky had always been grey since I’ve arrived her, same as the sea that caught every shade of it.

And around me, there was no strawberry field.

Just brushwood, barren, dry, ready to catch fire as soon as a sparkle would hit it.

Barren.

Like me.

Like the ungracefully cut sand that scratched my feet and my legs, reminding me of the choice of existence I had made, the one where beauty had its potential, but that was irreparably caged by an impossibility of emerging.

I sat on the beach, hurting myself, looking at that immense stretch of grey, keep telling to myself that it should’ve been blue.

It was like a desert was forming around me.

But I closed my eyes and I kept wandering the fields that inhabited my tired mind.

Forever, or at least until that dream, so terribly similar to a nightmare, would’ve extinguished.

 

**_Strawberry fields forever_ **


End file.
